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Strong Armed Spouses make Good Bedfellows

March 25, 2011

Tim Morley

Anyone ever notice how easy it is to get jealous of your spouse?  It is odd, because it is fantastic to see the one you love getting out there and doing it, yet there is a pull that casts a shadow, the one that nags this idea:  I want to do it too.  For us, the green monster is about working out.  And really, the hag that nags only shows up when one of us is too busy to get after our own pursuits.  Otherwise, the number of workout minutes per spouse doesn’t seem to matter that much.  When Tim came home today from his 3rd Crossfit workout in 4 days, my usual golden glow got a bit tarnished.  I sucked it down though and honestly felt happy for him.  So why am I writing about it?  I think it is an interesting phenomenon that threads through many relationships, especially marriage. 

What is this thing that takes us from giving to wishing?  And, since marriage is the perfect training ground to practice the art of giving free love to someone, a behavior that seems always coveted, especially when not in love, what causes us to withhold instead?  I will contend that the whats and whys do not matter in the least.  The only thing of consequence is the circumvention the behavior and simply being loving instead.  Don’t analyze it, just don’t be that way.  It is a bit like just saying no to drugs, quitting smoking, and ceasing to overeat.  We are in control of our own minds and behaviors, so why not side-step, do the old shuffle dance, play dodgeball with the pissy, strong-arm it if necessary and just let the love fill up the newly vacated space?  It takes practice, but it works.

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