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Love Commands the Truth

January 22, 2011

Whenever I am in discord with my husband, my world is not as shiny.  My verve is coated by a thin layer of dust.  I say thin layer, because we have paid our dues and arrived to a place where I know things will be okay and soon.  Yet, I still begrudge a single day, a single hour or minute  in that emotional state.  It is inevitable right?  A couple can’t be in perfect harmony always and really, this is a good thing.  It is a scolding by the ear for the self in a sense, a brisk shake of the arm that says ‘hey, wake up and be careful here, this is delicate stuff, this is the real deal, proceed with caution.”

Then, when a gentle breeze blows off the dust of disappointment and misunderstanding and our true feelings meet with renewed clarity, the joining is more brilliant, the happiness of knowing that you have created a precious thing, so strong, so apparent.  Perhaps this all depends on what kind of person one is.  I have always told my kids that the most important thing in finding a mate is that you match your needs for emotional intimacy.  It is not a good or bad thing, it is a thing of knowing what is real.  Am I the kind of person who wants to be deeply connected to my love, willing to suffer the turbulent waves of emotion that scour the personal barriers clean?  Or, do I want a person who can share my life as a companion, share love in a more reserved fashion, a feast of love with a slight buffer between myself and raw emotion? 

Whatever it is, it is so great to be true.  I do believe that the greatest gift we can give to our love is honesty about what we feel.  Why is it, I wonder, that this gift can be one of the most difficult to produce?  It seems counterintuitive, like spitting out true feelings would be an automatic reaction, a no brainer.  Yet, it has taken this woman all these decades to figure it out, to not just blurt out, but speak calmly about what is real even if the consequences that I want don’t seem likely.  Yet, in the case of my love, he will take my words, digest them, weight them, return to me with a new understanding and I will do the same.

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