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The Outside is Inside

August 12, 2010

The transition from Idaho back to Santa Cruz this year has been more difficult.   I keep thinking it is because I lost my horse and returned without him, no longer having the outlet  of heading out into the Wilder backcountry whenever my heart desires.  I’m sure that it is part of it, but it is more than that.  I have been practicing a lot of Bikram Yoga with the extra 20-25 hours a week that I now have since I am at present – without a mount.  The yoga allows my mind to free associate and I find myself thinking along new pathways, thoughts coming to me from unusual quarters.  Last evening, the yoga room was full of space, it was the exact opposite of the previous evening’s class which was packed with yogi’s, mat to mat.  I love both types of classes, the energy from crowded classes, a buoy in the sea of my sweaty effort and also the wide margin of the spacious class providing a bastion of independent meditation. 

Tim Morley

 

It was during this meditation yesterday that I came to the following thought:  Being in Santa Cruz after being in Idaho is probably how animals feel being in the zoo.  The habitat is beautiful, it just has borders.  In Idaho, I am used to walking out my door, knowing I can go out as far as I want without running into the “end” of the wide open spaces.  I understand why my husband is attracted to outrigger canoe racing, where he gets out in the ocean, beyond the shore now teaming with humanity and our structures, to paddle off into the endless horizon.  

So there I am in Bikram yoga, perhaps in camel pose where my heart reaches out to the world, and I have this epiphany, this deep realization that I am okay.  I can see off into the distance with my mind’s eyes, the variegated greens of the forest, the soft hued sagebrush blanket that covers the earth, the jagged mountain peaks spiking into the bluebird sky accented by a crash of  massive clouds.  This will stay me until I return to the wild places that are like food to my soul, because those places are in me.  Every moment spent outdoors becomes a reservoir of light on the inside, a connection to the elemental us that feeds us from the inside out. 

 

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. August 15, 2010 11:16 pm

    Hi Julie,

    I was wondering how you would do upon return to civilization… It is true that we will all be alright and it is in remembering this that it is so.

    Today John and I went back into the Challis National Forest somewhere north of Trail Creet to the east along the base of the mountain ridges. The remoteness was bliss, the silence ecstacy. It’s at those points of confrontation, where my vulnerbility meets the immensity of the mother that I feel most humbled and mysteriously alive. It’s like the provacotion of her power stirs me and reminds me that I too AM and in that, I will be, and all is well.

    I came to your blog today for two reasons. I had been thinking about you and the soon upcoming book release and signing for you, now just two days away. I want to wish you strength and clarity and confidence with this huge step forward and that everything goes well, that your book falls into the right hands over and over, and that your story is heard.

    The other reason was that I came across a website that may be of interest to you. I don’t know. You may be too far along in the process now for this place to be of much help, but I thought I would send you the link anyway. If you are to become an Idahoan then sometimes local is a good approach. You may want to click on their distribution tab. http://www.borderlinepublishing.com

    I’ll be sending good thoughts your way on the 17th.

    Love and Light,
    Arrow

    • August 16, 2010 4:19 am

      Arrow,
      How wonderful to hear from you and to think about you and John out in the backcountry. We are going heading to Montana in November to meet some of Lynn’s Quarter Horses and then will be staying at our house for a few days after that. My book release is actually next month on the 17th, but you must have gotten the feeling in the wind, because the publisher has told me that I will have in my hand the initial book in just days from now. Thanks for the link. I will check them out.
      ~Julie

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