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Starve the Beast, Feed the Dream

August 3, 2010

New cover of Cole Creek

Sometimes I feel afraid of believing in my dreams, that old devil that vies for attention, the one that fosters insecurity, injects an unwelcome serum that freezes optimism.  It crosses my mind that I better not get my hopes up in case I can’t make it all happen, you know the life you want that is just on the other side of all these steps that must be taken.  But what about that other thing that is described in the movie and book called The Secret?   That the universe responds to our thoughts, and moves in ways that correspond to the energy that our mind puts out.  It is much too compelling and logical for me to ignore.  Therefore I must dream big, think good thoughts, believe in all that I hope for.  Still there is that tiny reserve, that piece of me that preaches self-preservation, that old gnawing filament of doubt whose mantra is – don’t get your hopes up.  Ah, fear of disappointment, self-protection.  It is kind of like loving your honey with all of your heart, but only if he does what you want him to. 

All of this bears in my journey toward becoming an author.  For more than twenty years I have nurtured a belief that I could write something that others would want to read, something that could be meaningful as it is being read.  Yet, I am still afraid even though it is happening.  So what keeps that monster at bay for this woman.  It is the work put in, the physical steps that span out ad infinitum in front of me as I pursue my goals.  The work tames the beast, starves the beast really.  When I am taking the steps, there are no leftover scraps to feed the unwanted.  This means that there is no, I am here.  There is only keep walking. 

The beauty is that the walk gives back the energy we need to continue the walk.  Here I am again with the cycle thing, which is a cycle in itself.  I have a lot of things to do right now and sometimes I feel overwhelmed, crushed even.  So, keep walking, I tell myself.  If I can’t see my dream out there, if I don’t take the steps to realize it, who will?

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5 Comments leave one →
  1. Laura permalink
    August 4, 2010 3:18 am

    Push through your doubt. Yes, keep walking. Keep going. You have something to say. We want to hear it.

    Love, Laura

  2. August 4, 2010 4:34 am

    Thanks for the encouragement friend and fellow artist.

  3. Marvin Tennefoss permalink
    August 4, 2010 2:19 pm

    Too philisophical for my taste in a readable novel. Probably 90% feminine and 10% for masculine tastes.

  4. Amy Waynar permalink
    August 10, 2010 8:43 am

    If God is for us, with us, Then who can be against us? Keep Walking Julie – I am right beside you! with love and encouragement.

  5. Carolyn permalink
    August 13, 2010 7:39 am

    Of course you have doubts. What I see is you ridding yourself of many of the old doubts as you walk and write along. Carolyn

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