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Personal Evolution Through Outdoor Experience

March 11, 2010

Biltmore Lake

I was going to write a completely different piece.  In fact, I have it in my saved drafts.  What changed my mind?  A personal evolution through outdoor experience and this one came in the nick of time.  I was angry about something that has no fix.  My anger and frustration fed the ugly beast, so the wrong thing got bigger and stronger.  What was it?  It had to do with a power struggle, but the actual reason doesn’t really matter.  We all know that there can always be something to make into an issue .

I am in North Carolina helping my mother after her major heart surgery.  I have been inside the hospital day and night, the sky nothing but a mere sliver through the window.  My body is frozen into the seated position and I feel like I am stuck in a human maze of hallways and proceedure rooms wandering alone without the benenfit of  knowing which direction the sun is going, all without coffee and chocolate.  Okay, maybe its not that bad, the cafeteria does have coffee and I could have hit up the vending machines for some Hersheys.

Mom's Porch

We got her home yesterday and I was able to run around the lake.  I strode out with every intention to pound my anger into the ground with heavy footsteps, let my joints get in on my misery and then return here and write about the validity of of my negative feelings.  But, the lake reflected the sky I missed so much that it was above and below me.  The water lapped against the foot bridges that cross narrow inlets.  I began to feel not only foolish, but embarrassed by my state of mind and the naked trees were prepared to share my shame by standing without cover and challenging me to drop mine.  The anger drained through my feet and the earth beneath me absorbed it without reproach and allowed the space for the beauty to rush in.

I returned to her quaint covered porch, removed my muddy shoes, clacked out the chunks and put them under the rocking bench.  I stepped into my mother’s lovely home with the knowledge that the moments we shared in the wee hours of the night are unique experiences that have become a part of my transformation.  In the hosptial, my mother slipped in and out of lucid thought, and it was during one of her clear moments, a gift to both of us, when we brainstormed together to come up with a theme for my upcoming website that characterizes the basic core of my philosophy.  It is the title of this blog.  She told me that ever since I was able to walk, I was always looking for physical solutions to everything and that my drive to be outside has been there since the beginning.   It was a missing cog for me really and solidifies my desire to write, and speak and move in such a way that shows others how easy it is to open the doors to the outside world and let nature do its thing.

One Comment leave one →
  1. Tristan permalink
    March 11, 2010 10:38 pm

    “I strode out with every intention to pound my anger into the ground…” How many times i’ve gone out on moutainbike rides with this mission I cannot count.

    Also, “I began to feel not only foolish, but embarrassed by my state of mind…” This too seems to be my logical progression of consciousness.

    The bottom line being that I’ve never thought of it at as personal evolution through outdoor experience. Which is exactly what it is. Here’s to evolution!

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